Jen Lumanlan — Feeling Triggered by Current Events

In one sentence

When we feel "triggered" by the news, our brains are often retrieving old, unprocessed memories of powerlessness and injustice, and we can reclaim our agency by shifting from passive consumption to active, local mutual aid.

Why read this (and who it's for)

This is for parents who feel a sense of "weariness and exhaustion" or "rage" when scrolling through news of war, systemic injustice, or political upheaval. It explains why these events make you snap at your children and provides a roadmap to move from feeling overwhelmed and powerless to taking small, tangible actions that restore your sense of agency.

The big idea

Jen Lumanlan argues that our reactions to current events are rarely just about the "now." When we feel triggered, we are experiencing a physiological and psychological response where our brain connects current events to past traumas—specifically moments where we felt small, scared, or unheard. Because these stressors (like systemic injustice or threats to identity) are often "uncontrollable," they deplete our mental capacity, leaving us with less patience for our children.

The solution is not just "more mindfulness" or "voting" (which Lumanlan argues can be individualistic and offer an illusion of control). Instead, the solution lies in Mutual Aid: shifting from being "passive individual recipients" of a broken system to "active agents" who work with others to solve local, manageable problems. By achieving "small wins" in our immediate communities, we rebuild our sense of autonomy and identity.

Key ideas

The Myth of the Yerkes-Dodson Law

• What it is — The "inverted U-shaped curve" suggesting that moderate stress improves performance is often a misunderstood extrapolation of studies involving mice and rats, not a universal law of human behavior.
• Why it matters — We often use this graph to justify "pushing through" stress, but Lumanlan points out that the types of stress we face today—social evaluative threats and uncontrollable elements—actually decrease our creative and parental performance.
• In the book — Lumanlan notes that the "law" was based on a tiny sample size (40 mice, 86 chicks) and was often misinterpreted by later researchers to fit a "beautifully simple" but scientifically shaky narrative.

Trigger vs. Flood

• What it is — "Triggered" refers to a panic response connected to past trauma; "flooded" refers to a feeling of being overwhelmed that is not necessarily connected to past trauma.
• Why it matters — Identifying the difference helps you understand why your body is reacting so violently to a news story. It allows you to see the reaction as a biological signal rather than a personal failing.
• In the book — Lumanlan explains that a trigger might be a "sight or sound" (like a dripping tap or flowers on a table) that reminds your brain of a time you were small and scared.

The Overactive Left Brain

• What it is — Our brains constantly tell stories to explain our experiences, often using past memories to interpret current, ambiguous situations.
• Why it matters — If you grew up in an environment where you were judged or lacked autonomy, your brain will interpret current threats as "ding, ding, ding" emergencies, even if they aren't immediate physical dangers.
• In the book — Lumanlan cites an experiment where people with a severed connection between brain hemispheres were told to "stand up" by a hidden message; their brains made up stories (like "my leg was stiff") to explain the action.

The Limits of Individualistic Solutions

• What it is — Practices like mindfulness and voting are often sold as individualistic "fixes" for systemic problems.
• Why it matters — Mindfulness helps you cope with a system that is hurting you, but it doesn't change the system. Voting can provide an "illusion of control" if the system remains rigged.
• In the book — Lumanlan argues that because these are individualistic, they can be "expensive" (in terms of time and mental energy) and don't address the systemic "rigged" nature of the problem.

Mutual Aid as Healing

• What it is — Mutual aid is the practice of people with skills and resources coming together to support one another and address systemic issues.
• Why it matters — Unlike "charity," mutual aid recognizes that the people seeking help are not "broken"—they are people with valuable skills who are being squeezed by a rigged system.
• In the book — Lumanlan shares a story of a residential home for people with mental illness who, when they stopped being "passive recipients" and started working together on a co-op model, found meaning and purpose that "nobody expected."

The Power of Small Wins

• What it is — Focusing on "specific, doable, immediate goals" rather than massive, overwhelming systemic changes.
• Why it matters — Small wins "reduce importance" (lower the perceived demand) and "raise perceived skill levels." They provide a sense of agency that is impossible to find when looking at a massive, global problem.
• In the book — Lumanlan cites the Gay Rights Movement's success in the 1970s: instead of trying to change everything at once, they focused on a small, specific goal—reclassifying books in the Library of Congress—which set the stage for much larger victories.

Frameworks & tools

The Trigger Response Protocol

When you feel "triggered" or "flooded" by a news story or a child's behavior, follow these steps to reregulate:

1. Pause: Create a physical gap between the event and your reaction.
2. Compassion: Acknowledge that this is hard. Tell yourself, "I am feeling this because I am trying to protect myself."
3. Reappraisal: Ask yourself: "Is this as bad as my overactive left brain is telling me? Is this a memory of a past hurt?"
4. Values-Aligned Response: Once calm, choose a response based on your values (e.g., "I want to be a patient parent") rather than a reaction based on fear.

The Small Win Strategy

To combat the feeling of powerlessness regarding systemic issues:

1. Identify a "Tiny" Local Problem: (e.g., a lack of changing tables in a local business, a specific policy in your neighborhood).
2. Find a Partner: Reach out to a neighbor, a friend, or a local group.
3. Action: Instead of "voting" on a national level, ask the local business owner to meet for a coffee to discuss a specific change.
4. Observe: See how the "small win" stirs the pot and changes the baseline for the next attempt.

Memorable examples & stories

• The Library of Congress Win: In the 1970s, the Gay Rights Movement focused on the "small" goal of reclassifying books. This "small win" reduced the perceived difficulty of the task and built the confidence needed for the larger movement. Lesson: Success is a series of small, visible wins that build momentum.
• The Residents of the Mental Health Home: Residents who were treated as "passive recipients" of care were told to help run the home. They became "active agents" and found a sense of autonomy that improved their actual functioning. Lesson: Agency is a prerequisite for healing.
• The "Fixing" Trigger: A parent (C) realized she snapped at her son because her "calm approach" wasn't "fixing him soon enough." She realized she was reacting to her own need for control. Lesson: Our triggers often reveal our own unmet needs for peace and control.

Key quotes

• "Mindfulness helps us to cope with a system that's hurting us... but it's also something we can do by ourselves." (Paraphrased) Why it matters: It distinguishes between coping mechanisms and systemic change.
• "A small win reduces importance... and raises perceived skill levels." (Paraphrased) Why it matters: It explains why we get stuck when we try to solve "big" problems all at once.
• "We're not just waiting around for things to change... we're also taking action to actually change things that really affect us." (Paraphrased) Why it matters: It shifts the reader from a passive, victimized state to an active, agentic state.

How to apply it

This week

• Identify your "Left Brain" Story: When you feel a spike of anger at a news story, stop and ask: "What story is my brain telling me about this? Does this remind me of a time I felt powerless as a child?"
• The 5-Minute Pause: The next time you feel yourself about to snap at your child, commit to a 5-second physical pause (a deep breath or a literal step back) before speaking.

Ongoing

• The Mutual Aid Audit: Identify one local issue (a neighborhood problem, a local business policy, a community resource) that you have some influence over.
• Find a "Co-op" Partner: Find one person in your community to talk to about this issue. Move from "I am worried about this" to "What can we do together?"

Common pitfalls

• The "Individualist Trap": Thinking that you can "meditate" your way out of a systemic problem. Lumanlan warns that while mindfulness is a tool, it is not a replacement for community action.
• The "All-or-Nothing" Fallacy: Trying to solve a global issue (like climate change) alone. This leads to "flooding" and paralysis. You must shrink the scope to what is "doable, immediate," and "local."
• The "Passive Recipient" Mindset: Waiting for a "hero" or a "vote" to save you. Lumanlan emphasizes that agency is built through action, not just waiting for external permission.

Connects to

• Mutual Aid (Dean Spade): Lumanlan references Spade's work on how community-based support systems provide a buffer against systemic oppression.
• The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg): Used to explain how "small wins" create a feedback loop of success and confidence.

If you remember only three things

• Your "triggers" are often your brain's attempt to protect you from past traumas of powerlessness.
• Individualistic coping (like mindfulness) is necessary but insufficient for systemic change.
• "Small wins" in local, community-based mutual aid are the most effective way to rebuild a sense of agency and identity.

Internalize it

• Reflection questions
  • When I feel "triggered" by the news, what specific feelings (small, scared, unheard) from my childhood are being stirred up?
  • In what ways am I acting as a "passive recipient" of my current circumstances rather than an active agent?
  • What is one "tiny" local issue where I could work with a neighbor to make a small, visible change?
• Flashcards
  • Q: What is the difference between being "triggered" and "flooded"?
  • A: "Triggered" is a panic response connected to past trauma; "flooded" is a feeling of being overwhelmed not necessarily connected to past trauma.
  • Q: Why does Lumanlan argue against the "Yerkes-Dodson Law" as a universal rule for humans?
  • A: Because it was based on a small sample of animals and doesn't account for the fact that social/uncontrollable stressors actually decrease performance.
  • Q: What is the "Left Brain" story?
  • A: The brain's tendency to create stories to explain current events based on past experiences, which can distort our perception of current threats.
  • Q: What is the core principle of Mutual Aid?
  • A: Recognizing that people seeking help are not "broken" but are people with skills who are being squeezed by a rigged system.
  • Q: Why are "Small Wins" effective?
  • A: They reduce the perceived importance of a task, raise perceived skill levels, and provide immediate, visible feedback.

Fidelity note

This summary is grounded in the provided transcript. I am confident in the distinction between "triggering" and "flooding," the critique of the Yerkes-Dodson Law, and the emphasis on Mutual Aid. The transcript does not provide a specific list of "all" the tools in the "Taming Your Triggers" workshop, so the "Frameworks" section is based on the specific tools mentioned in the conversation (Pause, Compassion, Reappraisal).